Have you ever wondered "why am I here"? I do. Kind of a lot. I can actually get really frustrated with the (relative) simplicity of my life. I mean, not that I don't have issues and problems and drama, but in general, my life is pretty simple. I mean, I'm not married, I don't have kids, I don't have some glamorous job that takes me around the world, and I'm not really a drama queen so things stay pretty calm around me... I'm just a regular person. I often wonder how God uses me where I am- or even if He uses me. Like, am I really some necessary part of the Creator God's big picture? Even in the ministries I'm involved with, I'm generally a behind-the-scenes kinda girl. I can easily become very disenchanted with my life. I feel like it might not be exciting enough, or earth-shaking enough. We aren't all born to be Beth Moores or Francis Chans or Perry Nobles. So what in the world am I doing here?? Today, however, I got a new perspective. Today I read Zac's blog. To give you a little background on Zac, he works at NewSpring Church (my church), is probably a little older than me (maybe mid-thirties), and cancer is eating him alive. He is dying a very slow, very painful death. He has a beautiful wife and adorable children that he will not live to see grow up. Despite the pain of this situation, he (and his wife) looks for ways to glorify our God in this suffering. The first I heard of Zac's situation was from this video, played at NewSpring early this year. It absolutely broke my heart, and I will never forget it. What courage and strength it must have taken for him to talk so candidly about losing his battle with cancer. Not only to talk about it, but to choose to use his suffering to give glory to our Father. I don't know that I would have the strength to do that if I was in his situation...
Then today, I came across his blog. He wrote three blog posts early this month on the topic of navigating through suffering. One of the frustrations that he has dealt with through all of this is the question "why am I still here"? He's in massive amounts of pain. He has planned for his family's provision after his death. He is so ready to be with our Father in Heaven. So why is he still here suffering? His answer is simple- move forward in what God has called for him to do here, until He calls him home.
So, what does this have to do with me? In those moments where I wonder if I'm making any difference, if my life truly does have impact, I remember that if it didn't- it would be because I'm Home with my Father. As long as I'm here, He's using me. As Zac said in his blog, it's a simple shift in focus from "what should I be doing?" to "where does God have me?". I'm here because God placed me here- right where I am. I am called to move forward. To continue. And to trust what Philippians 1:6 says: There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears. He has promised to complete this work in me. And He's never broken a promise before.
