Just in case you didn't know, I'm single. Meaning, not only am I not married, I'm not in a relationship at all. Now, this is not by choice. I didn't just wake up one day and say "being single works for me!". I want a relationship. I want to get married, maybe have a couple of kids, and celebrate Mother's Day as a mom and not just a daughter. However, as much as I want that, there is one thing that I just won't do. Compromise. I guess I really should say I will not compromise again. There was a time in my life where I definitely compromised my convictions just to stay in the wrong relationship- and I managed to ostracize a lot of people in the process. And the sad thing was, I always knew it was the wrong relationship- even in the best of times when all seemed peaceful. Satan really had me for awhile. He had me thinking that I couldn't live without this person. But God was just waiting to show me the abundant life I would have once I got rid of that person. I was never comfortable in the relationship because I knew God wasn't pleased with my choices, or the relationship as a whole. I am so thankful for that discomfort. As much as I hated it, I know now that that was God not giving up on me. Eventually, through the grace of the Father, I walked away from that relationship- and although it was possibly the most difficult and painful decision of my life, I am confident that it was the best decision I could have made. So, what have I learned from that? Here are a few things I took away:- The right man will never, ever, lead you to compromise on your convictions. God's not going to lead you to someone who leads you into sin. That doesn't mean that there won't be struggles in the relationship- especially struggles for purity. But it does mean that he will care enough about his relationship with you and respect your convictions enough to not lead you down a sinful path.
- The right man will love Jesus and talk about that relationship more than he talks about any other. If he doesn't love Jesus, then my ability to respect him will be diminished, and therefore he is the wrong person for me. No one wants to be in a relationship where respect is not mutually and equally given.
- The right man will not allow his decision-making to be ruled by emotions. Emotions are tricky things- and sometimes those emotions can lead us to say and do things we will later regret. If I'm in a relationship with a guy and I see that he is making all of his decisions based on how he feels at the moment- I know that he has a long way to go in the area of emotional maturity. I need to be willing to walk away and let God do His work on that guy before I get in the picture- because me standing there waiting on him will not speed up the process. It will slow it down.
- I can not be the spiritual trend-setter. If he's not in love with Jesus, he's not going to take leadership in that relationship. It doesn't sound like that big of a deal- but what about when kids are in the picture and your moral standards don't match up? Or when you want to take the kids to church and their response is "but dad doesn't go"? Or when one of the kids is really sick and in the hospital- and the only one praying about it is you? It's a lonely and scary place to be, and I don't ever want to be the one setting the spiritual tone again.
Often I get overwhelmed and/or depressed because I know that guys of that caliber don't just grow on trees. Often I wonder if there are any left on the planet... But, I also know that God has plans for me. It's written in His word, and He promises to not forsake me. He's not going to see me in Heaven and say "crap, I forgot about that guy I was supposed to make for you!". If God has marriage for me, He has the right one for me. I don't ever want to feel like I'm settling for second-best because He promised me a life of abundance... not sloppy seconds. And although in the face of turning 30 and still being single it's hard for me to believe He hasn't forgotten me I must believe in His promises- He does have a pretty good record of keeping His promises so far.
